I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
