thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
