I hate your face
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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