You're so nebulous sometimes
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
