I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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