just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think your dad took our porno
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
