I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
