Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
