He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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