I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
