WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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