She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm always down for nudity.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
