so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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