He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
