I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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