my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
