I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
