Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
