Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
