she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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