she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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