Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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