I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
