I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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