I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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