Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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