i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
