I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
