i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
