Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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