I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
