my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you traded sex for a burrito?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
