So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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