The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
