it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
