We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
