a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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