I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
