Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
