So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
