I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You took a bar mat shot.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
