Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
