MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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