If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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