At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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