I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
