I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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