question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
