uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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