he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
