I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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