Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
