Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
